The Most Ultimate Ranfic Ever
by Amethyst Rainblossom
Summary: This is a companion to Michicko's "S.O.L.F.", a rather hilarjimous "random fanfiction" (ranfic) The SOLF girls strike back yet again when the Fellowship has a picnic. Please Read and Review. POSTPONED
1. SOLF Strikes Back

Title: The Most Ultimate Ranfic Ever

Authors: Liliana Aurum and her dear stowaway friend Chloe the Sophisticated and Married Woman

Summary of SOLF: SOLF is a "ranfic" ("Random Fanfiction"; a term coined by yours truly, Lily Aurum) written by our dear Michicko about the Stalking Obsessive Legolas Fangirl Club.  So basically, here's the down-low. Throughout that fanfic, the fellowship were trying to find their way home from Diana's party, and the portal to Middle Earth was in Orlando Bloom's sock drawer. Sam unfortunately, got transported to the ghetto in the ghetto portal, next to the middle earth portal. Hayley got married to Jack Sparrow, Jenny to Ron Weasly, and Adrienne to Draco Malfoy.

Summary: SOLF is here, yet again.  This time, we must defeat them.  Is Diana really that crazy?  You'll have to find out.

Disclaimer: You really think I own any of the LOTR characters, Harry Potter, or POTC?  God, you're an idiot. :P

It was a bright and sunny day, and the Fellowship was heading out for a picnic (Boromir came back to life for this event). Legolas made his 'magic' potato salad. Aragorn brought his book on chickens.

"If only it wasn't illegal in the United States to marry those of a different species." Aragorn said with a sigh.

"What's wrong with you?" Gimli said, setting up the picnic blanket, "You've been scarily obsessed with poultry lately."

"I agree, Gimli" Gandalf said in a disgruntled tone.  "I don't like this chicken business."

"You could say it was 'fowl play'." Legolas said with a jokey smile "Heh-heh. Heh-heh…..heh….Okay, I'll stop now."

Pippin was typing away on his laptop.

"Who are you talking to, Pippin?" Sam asked, looking over his shoulder.

"Oh, I'm just talking to some of the fellows from Harry Potter.  I think they may want to join our picnic…Oh wait, I'm getting an IM from someone."

Pippin's eye widened at the screenname. "Oh, bloody hell, not them again."

"Who is it?" Merry asked

Pippin looked at Merry meaningfully.  "Guess."

"Invader Zim?"

"No."

"Ahm…Usher?"

"No…"

"Er…I give up."

"The SOLF girls….and company."

Merry's eyes widened. "Holy crap and a half…How did they get a hold of us?  We left no forwarding addresses, we changed all our screen-names, even the Legolas Fangirl Hotline number was edited."

"We're in the Witness Protection Program, for heavens' sakes." Frodo said, fixing his corner of the picnic blanket.

"After that trash can incident…Who knew the portal to middle earth was four inches from the portal to the Ghetto?"

"Why does Orlando Bloom have a portal to the Ghetto?" Boromir asked.

"Because I'm a wanksta, that's why!" came Orlando Bloom's voice, booming through the lands.

"That's going to scare the neighbors." Legolas said.

The Fellowship nodded.

"Well, what did they say?" Merry asked.  "Do they know where we are?"

"Apparently they used M. Night Shyamalan's secret psychic ghost talking-to powers to find us."

**SOLFGang1414: **Like you really could hide from us.  You know we have connections.

**sexxyBeAsT69: ** i thought maybe we had a chance this time

**SOLFGang1414:** Yeah, right.  We'll be there in a second.

**SOLFGang1414 has signed off at ****12:37:14****.**

"Dear Holy Crap…" Gandalf said as Pippin read out the IM conversation.

"RUN!" Pippin yelled, and snapped shut his laptop.

"Wait, did you have a background of me?" Legolas asked, giving Pippin a look.

"No, they'll expect us to run.  We can deal with it one more time…"Gimli said. "It's just a couple teenage girls."

Pippin opened his laptop again, and logged back on to AIM.

"Hey, Jack and Hayley are on!" he said.

"Was Hayley the one with the spazzy dog?" Legolas asked.

**sexxyBeAsT69: **hey, jack

**Dos Piratos: **_Actually, this is Hayley_

**sexxyBeAsT69: ** o. hey, hayley.  ur friends are coming to torture us

**Dos Piratos: **_You mean the SOLF gang?_

**sexxyBeAsT69: **yeah

**Dos Piratos:** _One second…I'm going to start a chat with you, me, and the Malfoys._

Pippin clicked on the chat invite.

**SlythrnHotties: **We have to stop this.

**Dos Piratos: **_I know, the SOLF girls are going to kill the Fellowship characters with obsessiveness._

**sexxyBeAsT69: **how soon can you guys get herr?

"Check behind you!" said a voice, and there stood Adrienne and Draco Malfoy, Jack and Hayley Sparrow, and Jenny and Ron Weasly.

"Hey, I didn't even tell you guys to come!"

"Well, too bad. You don't make the decisions around here, BEOTCH."

"We need to think of a way to stop the SOLF gang."

Draco paced impatiently, trying to think of a plan.

"Draco, don't do that.  You look like your Father." Adrienne said, sounding very sophisticated and married.  "But you are extremely hot. Like your father, I guess.  No wait, that's weird. Eugh!"

"Thanks for the compliment, darling." Draco said, and they proceeded to make-out.

"Erlack." Jenny Penny said. "Not again."

Ron agreed.  "Draco kissing anyone is just wrong."

Jenny nodded and Adrienne slapped her, still glued to Draco's lips. It was more like one of her flailing arms accidentally hit her face.

Suddenly, the sky darkened, and there was a great flash of lightening.

The SOLF gang appeared, each in black robes with deep plum velvet lining, stamped with silver stars.  Each girl wore her own version of the SOLF uniform; a white shirt, a gray sweater-vest, a violet tie, and black pants or skirt.  The leader, Diana, wore a long black satin dress.

"Diana, you look like you have an army now!" Adrienne said in surprise.

Diana nodded.  "Yeah, we finally got uniforms.  Like the robes?  They just came in."

Jenny eyed the robes.  "Those are a pretty-pretty nice."

Then Adrienne said, "Quick everyone hold hands! Except for SOLF, you aren't allowed as we are trying to escape."

"When really we will probably only be transported to somewhere you can find us even easier." Hayley added.

And they disappeared.

And the SOLF members screamed in agony…and frustration.  Diana's brows furrowed.

"WE SHALL GET THEM!" Diana boomed in a deep voice.

"Where'd that come from?" Katherine asked.

"You totally know I'm a wanksta!"

R/R, Pleasey McPlease


	2. Stoner's Dream?

Chapter 2: In Hiding?

"Where _are_ we, Adrienne?" Hayley said, looking around. She had ended up in a tree, looking down at her friends. And her husband. Who happened to be Jack Sparrow, eternal hottie of the Caribbean.

"Hm-hm hmm m mrr." she heard, and saw Adrienne down below her, not not making out with Malfoy. Draco. Whatev.

"I don't know where we are." she managed to say, as Draco licked her neck.

Ron vomited all over the floor. And Pippin stared in awe.

"It's EVERYWHERE." he said, and gaped at the vomit.

Aragorn had brought along his chicken lover, Jessica Simpson. Okay, maybe it wasn't Jessica Simpson. It was Christina Aguliera.

You could tell by the studded chaps and sparkly undies.

UNDIES.

Or knickers, for those across the pond. Hi there!

"Oh my gah, there's a pond full of Jello!" Jenny Penny said, and ran to the pond.

"I think we're in somebody's dream." said a kid with a lightening bolt scar. He had just APPEARED.

....came out of nowhere....

"Dammit, this always happens! Last time we were in a stoner's dream and My Little Pony was chasing us."

"Your Little Pony?" Merry asked.

"MY Little Pony." Hayley confirmed.

"The one with the little jewel on it's head?" said Jack.

"No, the one with the rainbow tail!" Gandalf said, sounding frightened.

Aragorn was dancing with the chicken. Doing the chicken dance, of all dances.

Gimli joined in reluctantly, shaking his bon-bon, for all to see.

And then Ricky Martin appeared, singing that stupid song. That everyone hates. Because it's Ricky Martin.

So William Hung appeared and strangled Ricky Martin with his belt, because that's what you do to annoying pop stars.

SO ANYWHOODLES!

Draco was trying hard to make-out with Adrienne and beat up that kid with the scar on his head.

"Who IS he?" Jen H. asked.

"He looks so familiar." Diana said.

"VALAR'S GREAT BIG JOCKSTRAP, YOU FOUND US!" Legolas yelled

"Why did you have to go through such a long spiel?" Jenny said.

"Well, I had to make it sounds like 'Crap, let's run.', you know?"

"Why didn't you just say that?"

Legolas stood for a second, dumbfounded. "Okay. CRAP, LET'S RUN!"

So they ran. But not for very far.

For they ran into...

THE WALL.

"The Wall? What is THAT doing here?" said the kid with the scar.

"They sealed up the gateway! To Platform 9 and 3/4!"Ron said.

"Wrong story, Ron, you pollock!" said Hermione Granger. She just APPEARED.

...came out of nowhere...

"Twice in one chapter? WHAT THE CWAP?" said Orlando Bloom's booming voice. "AND THERE ARE NO WALMARTS IN ENGLAND!"

"What the hell? No Walmarts? They have McDonalds, but no Walmart?" Diana said angrily.

"Back to the story!" Adrienne commanded, no longer making out with Draco. She looked miffed.

"OR the Future." Merry said.

"We might have to call in Huey Lewis." Pippin said.

"Hey, my mom worked with him!" Hayley said. Jack was carrying her, for some reason.

"Cool!" Pippin said. "He's my idol."

"Okay, well, anyway, what's The Wall doing here?" the kid with the scar asked.

"Who ARE you?" everyone asked in unison.

"Oh, come on, that joke has gone on for too long. You know I'm Kevin Bacon."

"No you aren't." Hermione said, in her usual know-it-all tone. "You're Harry-"

"DON'T SAY IT!" Kid-With-Scar-who-we-just-found-out-was-named-Harry said.

"-Potter."

"Oh, okay. I knew you looked familiar." Katherine said.

"Well, since we're kind of stuck at The Wall....may as well do something."

"Well, how about Hermione explains The Wall to us?" Hayley said.

"Great idea, Hayley!" Hermione said. "The Wall is what appears in dreams when you can't go out of a certain limits or else the dream cannot take place. If the characters in the dream pass The Wall without proper equipment or permission, etc., they self destruct. In this case, The Wall showed up rather early, which means there's either more to come, or the person's head we're inside is really REALLY baked."

"I vote for both." Hannah said, plopping down on a rainbow-striped rock.

The rest of SOLF nodded.

Suddenly, some couches and other sitting-type furniture appeared.

Everyone sat down.

Hannah stayed on her rock.

"What do we do now?" Hayley asked.

"I dunno." Diana said. "We kind of got you guys, so our mission is complete."

"But we're also stuck inside some stoner's dream." Merry said.

Hayley looked up at the magenta sky, and then her eye's widened.

"Wait, I recognize this place..." she said, and looked over at the trees.

Licorice...

She ran over to a pond, and sipped it's rainbow water.

"Lemonade..." she said. "OH MY COLOURED FANCY PANTS!"

"What now?" Jack asked.

"THIS IS BEAN QUEEN'S DREAM!!!!"

Who is this Bean Queen? Is she on SOLF's side? Find on, next time on THE MOST ULTIMATE RANFIC EVER!


End file.
